This is Beyond

The Reese Witherspoon arrest footage we've all been waiting for is finally here - and it is beyond. America's so-called sweetheart showed a new side of herself while being arrested. It's almost too Elle Woods pre-Harvard for me. My favourite part is when Jim Toth (aka Mr. Reese Witherspoon) denies any involvement in her behaviour. How supportive!

What do you think - can Reese survive these videos with her reputation intact? 

Kate Speaks. The World Listens.

The Duchess of Cambridge speaks! Kate Middleton's first broadcast message in support of Together for Short Lives charity hit the airwaves in the UK - and YouTube globally. I'm all for the message, and for Kate's public voice, but I must say her hair and clothing weren't up to par. The collared dress is a bit too schoolgirl while her infamous hair is fairly limp. A miss for Kate? I'm in shock too. 

Royal Magic

I really need some clarification over whether Prince William, Kate Middleton and Prince Harry would be considered muggles. I somehow doubt the royal trio got any clarification on this while visiting the new Making of Harry Potter studio tour. Sure, they received all the attention, but can they make some levitate and fight off mystical creatures? Doubtful.  

Just look at Kate here. It's like she's trying so hard to channel her magical powers with this faux-Harry Potter wand.  Too bad the royal baby couldn't lend a helping hand here. 

Girls Dance Parties

No party is more fun than a Hannah Horvath dance party.

No, really. I want an invite. 

Getting Old - And Girls

Sometimes I forget I'm not in my early 20s anymore. I still like to think I have the energy of a teenager (nope!), can drink others under the table (also, nope!) and can lose 5 lbs without putting in too much effort (definitely, nope!). Truth is, 26 kinda sucks. It's that not-so-magical age that reminds you that your youth is behind you.

This is probably why I like watching Girls so much. For all of the reasons I think 26 kind of blows, Hannah, Marni, Jessa and Shoshanna remind me that my life is actually pretty great. I haven't injured my eardrums with Q-tips, I haven't slept with short and crazy artists, I haven't accidentally done crack and I don't travel the world to avoid my problems. I'm feeling pretty good right about now.

And then - I remember this article. Sure, it reminds me that my early 20s are behind me, but it's so on-point it's comical. Even if you're young, read this and prepare for the inevitable. But, remember, it's not all bad!

Oy. Oy. Oy.

Jimmy Kimmel reminded the world why most hipsters are really just posers. In his latest edition of Lie Witness News, Jimmy's crew exposes some (unlucky) Coachella-goers for what they really are - desperate to impress. No - Regis and the Philbins is not a band. The Obesity Epidemic is real, only it doesn't sing - it just makes people fat. And Get the Fuck Out of My Pool? I mean, come on! 

(Wannabe) Hipsters: 0. Jimmy (and the rest of the world): 1. 

All Hail the Queen

For those of you who don't subscribe to the E! newsletter, you might have missed the announcement that Kris Jenner in the Queen of Fucking Everything.

You heard me. The Queen of Fucking Everything. You may be wondering what this means, exactly. Does the Queen of Fucking Everything overrule the other queens? Does the Queen of Fucking Everything hold any legal power? Does the Queen of Fucking Everything control the media? The answer to all of these questions is simply - yes. 

Kris Jenner is truly the Queen of Fucking Everything. She rules over any country with access to cable television and an internet connection. She is able to sway judges and lawyers until things go her away - on-camera and off. She controls the messages (including sex tapes and scandals) covered by the media. 

All hail Queen Kris!

Priorities

Kim Kardashian says she's no longer worried about pushing her child out of her birth canal.

The reality starlet has gotten over her extremely rational fear of birthing a human being. Of feeling it grow in her ever-expanding body. Of it causing tabloids to liken her to Shamu the killer whale. Of it causing strife with baby daddy Kanye West. Yes, people, Kim is ready for this baby to get the hell out of there.

Honestly, who can blame her? It's not like Kim hasn't been through enough in the past year and a half. From marrying Kris Humphries to (finally) divorcing Kris Humphries, dating Kanye and getting pregnant, filming and watching this season's Kortney and Kim Take Miami, promoting Kardashian Kollection and obsessively posting selfies on Instagram and Twitter - Kim is clearly in need of a break.

From what I've heard, being a mom is actually far from getting a break. But, look on the bright side - not being pregnant must bring Kim the same sense of relief as getting divorced. Just saying. Maybe. We'll see.