Ashton in Charge

With Charlie Sheen still waging his war against CBS, Ashton Kutcher has been cast as his replacement on Two and a Half Men. A seemingly random choice as the two leading men could not be more different, but Ashton is determined to shine in his new role. "I can't replace Charlie Sheen, but I'm going to work my ass off to entertain the hell out of people!" Kutcher said in a statement.

Wedging the knife even farther into Sheen's back, the show's creator, and Charlie's nemesis, Chuck Lorre said, "We are so lucky to have someone as talented, joyful and just plain remarkable as Ashton joining our family."

Charlie's reaction to the news: "Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer... Oh wait, so am I! Enjoy planet Chuck, Ashton. There is no air, laughter, loyalty, or love there."